*puts on Animal Planet voice*
The average male, opens his twitter app, checks his timeline, sees a woman tweeting Drake lyrics at 3am lonely, and decides to open his direct messages, create a new message, and message the lonely woman listening to Marvin’s Room. This is known as “Sliding into her DM’s”
Recently, as I was perusing through my Twitter timeline I noticed the male species become quite confused.
“Asking a girl out still shocks me”
“Do girls even want to go out on dates anymore?”
1) You may be asking the wrong person
2) You may be asking them through text messaging
3) Your nerves may have gotten the best of you and they think you’re interested in taking Burrito making classes together
Does that mean that your cookie fell to the bottom of the glass of milk/your life being over
One more time people of the Internet!
Without the first date, there would be no annoying couples waiting for the TTC and making out the entire time.
Without the First Date, there wouldn’t be the suffering in silence out of fear that the date could go horribly wrong.
The best part is that there’s so many different ways to go out on a first date. You could spend $14 to swap spit for a 2 hour film, or you could eat practically anywhere that’s sanitary.
It’s all about the experience.
However, a lot has changed.
Which is why I decided to write this week’s post on “First Dates”
Fact: Most people avoid the “First kiss” of the date, chances are if she spent the entire date laughing at your jokes you’ve got the okay-go to kiss her.
Fact: Some people go in for the kill and hit a home run on the first date. (Parents if you’re reading this, they play baseball on dates and sometimes they’re really good at it)
First Dates could even be at a:
- At a coffee shop but you’re sitting 3 tables away because he doesn’t know you’re on a date just yet.
Nevertheless, the norm of the “first date” has altered completely.
Back in my parents day, they probably wouldn’t tweet throughout the date whenever the suitor makes a funny remark about Pop Culture: “(Insert Name) has bread stuck in his Mullet #radical”
Or text in one another’s presence.
That’s probably because phones looked like this
Nobody knew that a person even had a first date during the 70’s unless they heard it from the source themselves or Patty’s cousin John who’s friends with Brad who’s dating Tina, who heard from Jeremy from the Varsity Football team, who’s mom is best friend’s with Doug that owns the Bakery down on bleaker street.
There was no “First Date outfit of the Night” Selfie
There were no YouTube Guru’s teaching you how to wear your makeup for a first date, and there was also no “Blink 182 – First Date” for you to play as you were getting ready.
All they had were movies, stories from other friends, and what magazines would tell them.
My first date was not exactly what I thought it would be.
My friends came along with me so my Portuguese parents wouldn’t worry/worry/worry
It was my Grade 9 year, the year of Justin Bieber, Jersey Shore, and overpriced TNA pants.
We went to go watch Zombieland, and I was sweating through my Abercrombie Shirt.
Unaware of my fear of clowns, two popped up throughout the film resulting in my reflexes almost giving my date a broken nose.
After the movie was over, I didn’t know whether or not I was going to get kissed. I did not, but we did the awkward stare for 2 seconds then *hugs* and walks down the escalator.
The awkward stare/goodbye hug still gets me.
Not even Taylor Swift’s dancing is more awkward then that
For me that’s the worst part of the date. It’s so awkward because you spend majority of your time wondering what it would be like to kiss the person, then when the time comes you’re trying to recite the alphabet backwards in your head until they either kiss you or catch the train.
Now, it’s a lot easier.
Your friends will talk you through it, through group-chats as you repeatedly try the smokey eye routine that you found on YouTube.
You can google search “How to survive through the first date” and people in Australia would have answers for you.
You can creep the person’s Instagram so you get used to their face, to avoid the awkward “I’m staring at you” moment.
You can go on as many dates as you’d like in order to find the man who’s going to watch you pee with the door open.
The first date is crucial.
The awkward sweating is also crucial.
The awkward/stare goodbye hug is horrifying, but crucial.
The First Date is necessary, it shouldn’t be going extinct, and it shouldn’t be something so casual that it’s not even considered a big deal anymore. Someone told me once that if you’re not nervous about something, you don’t care about it enough.