Lemony Snicket: A Series of an Unfortunate First Year’s Events

University at times feels like an R.E.M song, or the opening credits to The Hills

There’s no in-between. 
Leaving my beloved all-girls school and heading into University was quite the jump. 
Not only did I ditch my plaid skirt, found out they came back into fashion and bought another one. 
But, I also realized during my first lecture…that there were males in my class.
Forgot what those were after 4-years of 800 kilts and the average choir boy walking into our school.
Now that my first year is practically over, I’ve decided to dwell on the unfortunate/fortunate events that are..University. 
Disclaimer: Not many get the opportunity to go to school and I’m thankful for the opportunities given to me. However, it’d be a lot more bearable if everytime I picked up someone’s pen they wouldn’t hit on me after. 
Long were the nights where my days once revolved around my headgear. 

1. University Apparel: Made in Canada
Not having Uniform everyday gave me the ability to wear all the things my High School would have sent me home for. I’m not talking about leather chaps and fishnets, I’m talking about circle scarfs in class and something on my feet that isn’t ballet flats. The downfall was the constant need to shop for clothing, but the upside is that you actually get to wear it, to your classes. 
Somedays, you can show up looking like this: 
Or you can show up like this:
Anecdotal Evidence: Showed up to school dressed as the 2nd gif and got asked if I was a fashion student. Showed up as the first gif and got asked if I had a rough night. However, with University there are no restrictions. If you would like to show up dressed for Saturday’s club event, you can. If you’d like to dress up like you spend 4 days on a drug binge, get it. If you’d like to dress like you just finished up a vogue shoot, damn right you definitely can. 

2. Panic Attacks in the washroom. 
Movie moments weren’t lying. People do run to the bathroom to either have a long cry, or have a long cry. After my first exam, I was overwhelmed. University is overwhelming, this does not come easy. However, like all things in life you get used to it. I went from writing an exam/test in a room of 30 supporting girls, to sitting beside a stranger in a room of 3000 people clicking their pens and coughing every 5 seconds. 
How do you get through it? Be-friend the smart people, they do prosper in the long run. 
Eventually the panic-attacks will stop, and teach you to get your shit together. Don’t forget that when you walk out of that stall, you stare in the mirror for 30 seconds and continousely tell yourself that you’re Kelly Rowland, and if you get your shit together, you can be Beyonce. Don’t settle for the life of the two girls that were in Destiny’s Child but nobody remembers. 
Wasn’t going to make a Michelle Williams joke…she still slays. 

3. Beware of the students in a 3-hour lecture without Caffeine
Every University student would rather be late to an early morning lecture, then show up to class on-time without a Coffee in hand. Without caffeine they spend majority of the class watching the Caffeinated Digital Natives shake their legs and hands, signs showing they’re well caffeinated beings. Without Caffeine they spend the entire class looking like they just came out of the make-up trailer for the Walking Dead.
The thought of an espresso shot being poured into a recyclable container triggers the mind of a caffeinated-less being, thus resulting in unthinkable and unresponsible actions. 

4. Rico-Suave’s appear in class asking you if there could be your Papi
Tell them what’s on the last slide, they’ll ask you for their number
Show up to class in a dress your mom bought you from Winners, they’ll ask your for their number
Drop a pen, they’ll pick it up, and ask for your number in exchange.
Breathe, and they’ll ask for your number
Sneeze, they’ll bless you, say thank you they’ll side over their phone before you finish your sneeze.

Get it?

5. Embarrassing moments in a room filled with 250 people
– First day of Philosophy I broke a chair
 Tripping up the stairs once a week
– The time my computer restarted on it’s own and made the welcoming sound twice in a row
– Stomach growling when hitting on a guy, then using it as a pick up line “My stomach likes you too”
– Got video-taped spontaneously singing (video is now private on Youtube)
– running from a homeless man (inside the building) while your friend with an ulcer yells Pineapple

However there are some good moments….they do out number the bad. 
– made a handful of new friends who share a love for nutella latte’s and rap music
– sang Ain’t No Mountain High Enough during Frosh Week with three of the greatest people you will ever meet
– beating practically everyone at pool (maybe lost a few times)
– never forgetting any of men’s names that you meet because they’re all named Nick
– taking several naps in the arts lounge 
– feeling like an adult when you say “i’m at the pub”
– Varsity Hockey Games
– having people call you Tina Fey based on your twitter title
– getting a Starbucks card for looking nice
– getting spotted, and it not being creepy at all

So that’s all for this week! It’s not so bad, and I might have withdrawals during these next four months.
However, this blog will not get neglected during the Summer.
Until next week.

Daniella Beca 


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