You can’t spell Heartbreak without Art

Daniella isn’t sure whether or not she’s going to be physically sick. Is there such thing as emotional food poisoning? Rather than food, it’s a 6foot-tall being with a soul darker than Stephen King’s mind?
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Heartbreak is a way of life. We go through it, and as we get older we consider it as a learning process.
We must go through heartbreak to
a) Learn from our mistakes
b) Learn to appreciate the next guy that comes around
c) Make a career out of it like Taylor Swift
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At eleven years old I experienced my first encounter with heartbreak.

I didn’t get the notion of being “dumped” at that time. I sat there eating my McFlurry and started planning my activities for the following day. They included brushing my barbies hair, and sorting out my turtlenecks. 
A few months later, my “ex-boyfriend” began to date one of my friends.
It was then, that I felt woeful.
Still, it wasn’t as bad as the movies portrayed it. 
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I only experienced the kind of heartbreak movies would portray during my teen years.
I wanted to pick the best story, so I chose this one.
It’s one of my favourites.
It was my Grade 9 year, and we dated for a week. It was pretty serious. When it was over, it felt like a cookie crumbling into a glass of 2% milk. He gave me his sweater which wasn’t vintage or flattering, just oversized and smelled like a hockey players gym bag, and I was faced with having to give it back. So I bathed it in my sister’s Coco Chanel perfume (not even my own perfume, so he basically was smelling my sister when he got it back) and any normal human being would give it back on its own. No. I threw a poem in there. Here’s the ending
It’s for the better, but you should take back your blue sweater
It was two pages long, like I wrote him Genesis from the Old Testament while I was at it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it was the most traumatic experience for me.
Now, we’re great friends and he still taunts me with my poem once in a while.
Like every heartbreak, I binged on Pistachio ice cream, watched 90’s movies, and wrote.
Nothing’s really changed.
As teenagers, we are filled with so much hope.
Our lives are only truly beginning at that stage, and heartbreak could make or break us at that age.

Heartbreak definitely shaped the way I looked at romance for majority of my teen years.
From 13-18, I didn’t know why I was getting into relationships, and ending them so quickly with no remorse.
I called it “The Running Man”
I didn’t take it seriously. Hense the title I gave it.
I didn’t know if I could be someone’s “Woman Crush Wednesday” every week.
Individuals were hurt, but forgiving.
I did have a few instances where the other side committed acts in which lead to the season finale of that relationship.
But majority of the time, I wasn’t allured
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I wanted to figure out the root of all of this, and I did.
So I spent a year, learning to love myself more than any man ever could.
Hense my first online piece http://cupidschokehole.tumblr.com/post/74770941607/its-amazing-what-your-art-can-do
(take a break and click that link, don’t forget to return back to me)

Recently, I felt a different kind of Heartbreak.
My main goal this year, was patience.
Time plays a big factor in my life, due to my constant fear of there not being enough of it.
I promised myself to be patient with time and let things fall in place. On their own.
Rather than planning it out in my composition notebook in hopes of looking for an answer.
I was in poetry heaven, that’s when I knew I was doomed.
The second a writer uses you as their muse…
Wait, I think the only way you can possibly explain this,
Is when you write hard into a piece of thin paper, you can see the other letters in other pages
A repetitive nature in your new pieces.
I’m awaiting the day where I stop seeing letters.
I didn’t run this time, and when I did, I instantaneously ran back.
I wasn’t done.
Until today. (I started writing this on a Wednesday)
Today was the first day in a while that I wore eyeliner, I felt pretty bad ass.
By the end of the night, I found myself cleaning traces of it on my cheeks.
Do not pity me for that last statement, because I’m supposed to be experiencing this kind of heartbreak.
Also, crying is good for your skin.
At first, it was a pleasure to have my heartbroken by this individual from a writer’s point of view.
Because I thought to myself that my best work comes from vulnerability and the craving for change.
But tonight, my entire perception changes. My fingertips were sharper than razors, and wouldn’t even lift themselves off the keyboard.
The word “disgruntled” comes in handy right now.
I was so disappointed, I did my best to be patient and understand where this individual was coming from but the more I tried to understand and open up, the more he was becoming this, pardon my french….Dinkleberg
Get’s distracted by Brazilian Soap Opera
I then realized in that moment, that it was not my cue to run. But my cue to exit.
It was if I was on a highway, and there’s a giant sign ahead.
And it says, you cannot love someone who doesn’t love themselves.
And that’s that.
Respect was lost, and now he’s just another subject for my writing.

You see, the older you get the more pressure is put on you. I see friends of mine in 1-4 year long relationships, and I think to myself…the longest commitment I’ve ever had was my 3-year phone contract.
How do I explain that?
Well, I can’t.
Do I have high standards? Yes. Unless you’re Aaron Carter I probably won’t date you.
(Sarcasm, I promise)
Do I have some dating curse? No, but I thought I did.
I young. (I purposely did this because I forgot to put I’m* there and now I’m just laughing my head off)
I write about it, I fall in love with movies written about it. It’s there. It’s everywhere.
Heartbreak is kind of like the rewind button, for awhile you dwell on the past but eventually you’re at the beginning.
My favourite part about Heartbreak is the clean slate that comes after it.
When you stop checking their Twitter, when you stop hesitating to text them, and when you stop snap-chatting them photos of your cat.
This post was pretty open, there will be more of these.
To anybody who was hurt, or offended by this post.
Good.
Shame on you for toiling with the hearts of women with good intentions

Daniella Beca.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScSHEnFNRck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVap_S6vByo

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One thought on “You can’t spell Heartbreak without Art

  1. einsteinofrap says:

    Well done Ms. Beca, absolutely brilliant. It’s posts like this that remind me not to keep emotions bottled up but rather write down whatever’s flowing on your mind (like what I’m doing right now, but this is unnecessary rambling which should stop right about… Now!)
    Looking forward to your next post!

    – David

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