The Show Must Go On

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Moving on,
Ladies and gentlemen it may be one of the hardest things to do. We live in this world where we’re constantly reminded, and we’re so human that it drives us crazy to feel, and it drives us even crazier when we can’t feel. Two months ago I would’ve told you that moving on is painting your room, moving your furniture, and cutting your bangs.

But I was wrong, because a few weeks later I was holding onto my iPhone, wiping my tear filled hands into my bangs, and cursing the thought of peacefully moving on. But thankfully, I’ve given myself time to sulk, depend on others, and move on. However there’s still something I’m stuck on.

So I’m here to ask you, in a Carrie Bradshaw tone.

Can we really move on?

At 16 I would’ve said “If there was such a thing, we’d have a relationship right now”
and at 17 I would’ve said “Please don’t make me move on”
and at 18 I would’ve said “Yes, I waisted a heavy amount of years not doing so”
but at 19, after one afternoon, as I walked into the rain, and into a taxi-cab, I’m leaving you with an “I don’t know”

“Oh but you’re human you’re entitled to feel” yes I understand tumblr posts that all say that.
But why should I still feel the things that I shouldn’t feel anymore. Why is it that I can’t finish a part of my novel because that would mean going back into my memory-foam brain and discovering what it was that happened between me and (said person), reliving it through writing, and then potentially sitting there questioning every decision made since?

Three weeks ago, I had my friend on the phone convincing me that she wasn’t ready to move on from her year-long relationship. I rolled my eyes, and wasn’t getting it from her p.o.v. I told her that she had the an immense amount of potential to do better, and to find better but what I wasn’t paying attention to, was that in her eyes, she was so comfortable and used to it. Because to her, it was her definition of better.

Let’s go back to the word comfortable.
When you open up and get comfortable with a person, it scares you because you start to think “what if this person leaves, what do I do?” Which is why the people on the outside looking in, immediately say “you’re making a big mistake, it’s a stupid decision, stop”

What they don’t get is that there’s this void within you, which sometimes won’t go away even after they’ve left for such a long time.

So do you listen, and deal with it until it’s gone.
Or do you take it as a way of learning, and sitting through another lesson?

I’m always that person that tells somebody who can’t move on that they’re making a huge mistake.
and maybe readers, you are too.
However, it’s not until you’re mind is incredibly consumed with questions you can’t even answer yourself, that you realize that you’re asking them of too much, something that you yourself can’t even handle.

Tell me how you feel? Comment below.

Until next time.
Daniella Beca

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One thought on “The Show Must Go On

  1. einsteinofrap says:

    Hey there, I guess this is where I leave a comment right? Well I just wanted to say that I was a big fan of your blog and I believe I mentioned this before back in February that you inspired me to start my own blog. I like the way you speak your mind here, the way you connect readers almost instantly it feels. I appreciate the way you lay it all out here and this “Awkward Annoymous” world you created is pretty neat. I noticed that you became some sort of MTV intern and that you started a new blog and I was afraid it wouldn’t live up to my expectations. You went from talking about deep things here on wordpress to talking about Jaden Smith with MTV and to me, I didn’t like that, I felt as if though you sold out in a way. Don’t take this the wrong way though, I mean heck you can totally disregard this comment, delete it, w.e you want, my point is I enjoyed what you did here with this blog but I’m just not a fan of your new stuff with MTV. At first it was like you were Yoda and I was young Luke Skywalker and you showed me the force but now the force is strong with this one (me), I’m Yoda now and now you’re Anakin Skywalker wearing a mask (which essentially makes you Darth Vader and the mask is this whole MTV ordeal that you’ve associated yourself with which in theory, could also be interpreted as “The Dark Side,” but everybody knows the real Vader is Anakin Skywalker, so basically Awkward Annoymous will always be you.) Just some food for thought, thanks for your time

    -Stay zen and prosper
    EinsteinOfRap

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