“Date Someone?”

“Great Expectations” by Charles Dickins was written about the expectations the citizens of the Internet have set for others. 

The Internet, although filled with numerous answers to our daily questions, can’t always solve everything.
Sometimes, the Internet is very demanding.
I see this a lot on Tumblr, and it kind of bugs me how many expectations there are now.
I see posts saying, “You should date someone who..” and I sit there, head tilted, thinking,
“How do you know?”
“What do you know?”
Or, better yet

These posts are quite unrealistic, and this is coming from someone that isn’t a realist.

So when a hopeless romantic is put with a realist,they start to see the world in a different manner.

The Internet dictates over and over again, “Date someone who does this, and date someone who does that”
If we can’t manufacture how we feel about people, why should we manufacture how they act?

I’ve found a few lines, and I was interested in dissecting them.

“Date someone who meets you halfway”
That says nothing about the individuals who are on two different levels, who can be on one another’s team.
Sometimes they both have a hard time getting up in the morning, for two different reasons, being physically, and emotionally exhausted.
Nobody is walking around singing, “A Pocketful of Sunshine” by Natasha Bedingfield 24/7, if so..they’re being prescribed something we’re not.
Sure, in a perfect world you meet someone that has their shit together, but that doesn’t mean you can’t work with someone or work on one another whilst learning to emotionally grow together.
It could be a rough time, therefore you don’t see it.
Maybe one puts in more effort than the other, but if you take a step back and revisit the last couple of weeks…you’ll see it.

“Date someone your ex hates, and your mom loves”
Your ex probably hates them because they realized that you’re a lot happier, and maybe more comfortable than you were with them.
This weekend, I was privileged enough to reunite with my favourite boys Richard, and Marji and I reminded Richard that he sparked my interest of writing Poetry in Grade 9, after I reminded him that I wrote poetry about him before he started modelling.
Since Grade 9, I kept journals and fell in love with short stories, but it was only in Grade 12 when I put my school play out there, that I became incredibly invested in turning this into a career.
It was only until last year that one of them had asked why I never wrote about them, some didn’t even know that I loved to write and questioned if anything was even real. Just because my he(art) wasn’t into it.

“Especially date someone who your friends tell you to stay away from.”
So you can learn.
I read this in an interview the other day, and it was spot on.
“Do not listen to your friends, listen to your father. He knows best.”
As much as I love the gossip circle lunches, where friends warn other friends and provide their guidance, I take all their concerns, and keep quiet until necessary.
Your mom will love them to their face, and pretend like she doesn’t watch you check your phone constantly.
Whenever one of those dramatic, romantic scenes comes on in a movie, my mother would always watch my facial expression, and I’d give her the little semi-smile and shrug. Because as you grow older, you realize that someone wrote that script, and someone directed it in such a way that they have envisioned before in their mind. It happens to some, it doesn’t happen to all .

“Date someone who’d rather spend a Friday night watching movies, than out with 50 people they barely even talk to.”
Also known as “lock your boyfriend in your basement and send him water and crackers once awhile”
Once you start making them seclude themselves from their friends, they start to resent you and as do their friends.
Date someone who’d rather spend their nights alone sometimes, and comfortable with their own surroundings.
Because once you depend on someone, you’ll forget how to be alone.

So what the Internet, and all of its glory are saying….is to choose someone who basically has their shit together.
Without any hesitation or idea as to what may happen to the people who don’t.
(Nobody dare say Forever Alone, we are grown ups now.)

This is where it gets important
At this age it’s almost vital that we make mistakes. Those gossip circles I had mentioned before are prime examples of girls/boys giving advice to their friends, that they almost wish they could’ve gave themselves.
If you gave me these “Date someone” tumblr text posts at 16, I would’ve said “Omg!!! ok…I will.” and as harsh as this sounds, I would’ve dated someone based off of their capability to give me all of that. I also would have broadcasted the text post on BBM and lurked around for that special #bae.

At 19, you’re not so lucky.
We live in the generation of disappointments, and mental exhaustion because we’re supposed to use these four years, (maybe even more if you’re younger and reading this) and plan out our future.

You might meet someone who could be dealing with mental illness
You might fall for someone that doesn’t have a great relationship with their family
You might meet someone that doesn’t have a great relationship with themselves.
You might come to terms with your sexuality

We don’t know, and we’ll never know.
There’s a great Woody Allen quote that goes with this, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
Sometimes we’ll figure it out too late. We’ll start waking up at 3am and have to remind ourselves to go back to sleep because you are not where you were before, and neither are they.

So, coming from a realist/hopeless point of view….I’ve come up with an alternative “Date Someone” statement piece.
But let’s get that word “Date” out of there because that’s where the pressure comes in.
Ironic right? There’s people my age getting married, and people my age that fear the notion of dating someone.

(Side Note: did you know that Oprah isn’t married? She’s just been dating the same dude since 1986)
Admire someone who doesn’t wake up in the mornings, because they probably had an interesting night, and everyone lives at different points of the day.
Care for someone who teaches you to grow, and recognizes it in your moments of weakness.
Choose someone who’s not afraid to tell you about their faults, and don’t forget to sew the wounds others have left unattended on their skin.
Respect someone that can argue with you, even after copious amounts of arguments they’ll still get riled up at the idea of you fuming from the other side of the screen.
Be taken by someone who prefers to be by themselves, because that’s their most comfortable state of mine, and you have to respect that.
Think well of their art, if they need a little push to put themselves out there give it to them, if not. Let them find their own way.
Appreciate their physical structure, their skin, their imperfections, and stare at them the way you wish they’d stare at themselves, and the way they should be stared at.
Treasure their past, any childhood memory they tell you about, hold onto it.
Value their morals, and their mindset. Do not attempt to change a person’s thought process so that their beliefs do not contrast with yours. Try understanding instead.
Regard someone that walks away, and commend them if they come back. Still commend them if they keep walking away. In hopes that they’ll find happiness.
But also, take all of this. Every last sentence, and apply it to your own self. Before you lose yourself in another person, or your art, please remember who you were prior to them.

Don’t be afraid,

Daniella Beca.

This week I wanted to feature a few of my favourite pieces, and start putting writers out there that have inspired me.

This week’s theme: Bravery

This was written by Damon, a really cool dude and we have spent hours at a time discussing rap. Today he’s written a piece for his anniversary with his girlfriend, and I wanted to commend him for being brave. Someone give this guy a good beat so he can release this!

Nataley’s finally launched her own blog and I love reading it. It’s rare to be so open and vulnerable in your writing, but she does it so well. (Find out more by clicking the link)

Diana, as you all know gets it, she knows what’s going through our minds and knows that sometimes we can’t put it on paper, therefore she does it for us. You’ll probably see Diana’s posts every week here, but she had a killer final line this week, and I had to give her recognition for it.

“Sometimes we’d just lie there, looking into eachothers’ eyes for some time, not really saying much, but having hour-long conversations with our eyes and mouths. It was never a lack of communication that tore us apart in the end, rather our inability to communicate with what we’d lost back then.” http://hopefor-thehopeless.tumblr.com/



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