Next to Stephen King, Diana is one of my favourite writers. I didn’t know of Diana’s God given talent until I stumbled upon one of her posts on tumblr and realized that it had over 200,000 notes. We’re having breakfast at Cora’s, and Diana’s enjoying Tumblr fame, and her crepe at the same time. Now I look forward to all of her posts, and constantly applaud her on her vulnerable, but incredibly brilliant pieces. During my hiatus, I knew immediately that Diana would have to come bring her wisdom to MyCompNotebook.
Here she is:
There are some things our parents fail to tell us in life, simply because we are meant to learn them on our own, in our own way. There are some things that happen to us that have no reason behind them, no explanation, no way to move forward. We are encouraged from an early age to try and try again to fumble for what we need and understand what we don’t, to fulfill our wishes but to accept that not everything will go as we’ve planned. We love and we lose and find ourselves shine in our darkest moments, and it is a summation of those moments that we should give ourselves a huge pat on the back for and finally smile back at ourselves in the mirror because we did it. We achieved something great by believing that we are capable of doing something even greater, whether it was finding the strength to pull ourselves out of bed this morning or winning as Oscar. But what about the moments that we’re too afraid of trying to fix? What about the things that seem impossible to overcome, the heartaches too embedded in our hearts to let go of, the lost friends and the feeling of giving up? What about when the smile on your face is too forced to convince even yourself that you’re doing okay anymore?
I have been blessed to have as encouraging and supportive of a friend in my life as Daniella Beca. Not only is she an incredibly talented writer who can light up the darkest room, she has supported my love for writing from my very first Tumblr posts and has been brave by showing her work to the world, even in times that it may have been a little bit scary. This one’s for you, Daniella, for me and my little fears of letting more than just internet surfers read through my work, and for anyone that needs a soulful little piece of writing to show them that it’s okay to be scared, because facing our fears inspires us to bring out the best in ourselves. Someday you’ll look back on the person you were too, and realize how much more you love the person you are now for the things you’ve been able to overcome.
TO THE LONG LOST FRIEND:
You sat by the window every day painting pictures that made no sense to me and still I praised your work for all you had done and where you were going in life until one day I just realized that you were painting pictures of what was once you and I
A concoction of colour, an effortless vibrance
And all that was painted and left unsaid on canvas
Came through when you gave me that painting straight from your hands and said
“I’m just not sure I want to paint this picture anymore”
And I looked down at an empty canvas
TO THE DEEPEST HEARTACHE:
you’re probably going to dance with another girl who will taste like fresh picked strawberries and smell like flowers blossom in her hair
and you’re probably going to choke down 5 shots of straight vodka and get the thought of me out of your head and focus on the girl dancing with you who wants to be your apple pie but you can’t see the diamonds in her eyes because you’re staring at the ones hanging around her neck and you can’t feel her pull you in closer because she’s reaching farther behind your head of dark hair and tapping shoulders of random guys she’s never even met
and when this happens I hope you run to the dingy bathroom and splash your face with dirty water and vomit up the words you never said because while you’re out drowning your heart in things I shouldn’t care about I’m here looking at the moon whispering how much I love you
and if you take her home I swear to God the moonlight will keep you awake no matter what time it is and you’ll watch it shine across your bedroom floor where we danced and laughed and I almost told you that you are my night sky
and I hope the light catches your attention more than the sight of her would and I hope when you wake up all your remember is that roses are my favourite scented flower and you can’t escape the light of the moon
TO THE “WHAT ARE WE?” PERSON IN YOUR LIFE:
He gave her a ring with the word ‘temporary’ engraved on the inside, and she asked him if this is how love always ends. He took her hand in his and said, “Nothing lasts forever, so why believe that love is any different?” And before he could blink, her tears turned her into a puddle that he quickly tried to collect in his hands, saving up any parts of her that he could manage, and in doing so he came to realize that in convincing himself that love doesn’t last forever he lost her even sooner than he’d expected.
TO THE ONES THAT LEAVE BUT NEVER FADE:
There’s a soft spot in your heart for every person that left. Like the taste of an old cigarette, like the ache of coming across an old picture, like the cut on your hand that reminds you of falling apart on the bathroom floor. There’s a spot in your heart until there’s nothing left.
TO THE ONE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH:
He’s going to stay awake however long it takes just to hear that you got home. He’s going to learn how your voice shakes when you’re sad and he’s going to ask you to tell him what happened. He’s going to fall asleep next to you and wake you up with a kiss on the cheek in the morning and he’s going to hold your gaze towards him when you’re crying about old memories that still hurt and he’s going to fall in love with you. Hold on to him as long as you can, for this is the one we wait forever for, but don’t squeeze too tight. The harder we hold on to the things that take time to grow, we only stop them from growing at all. He’s going to fall in love with you but just give him time, and when he does you’re going to know why you finally let love grow.
If we could go back and tell ourselves what we know now
1. Pain does not equate to love. If it hurts to pretend, you’re cheating yourself happiness by pretending, and you’ll wish you could take it all back but you never will.
2. You can’t be friends with someone who broke you
3. You should’ve searched more to find what you were looking for
4. They say time heals all wounds so be careful with the ones etched too deep in your skin
5. One day you’ll feel comfortable in your own skin. Maybe not a bubbling confidence, but you’ll feel it some day.
6. The past might scare us so much that we live always looking behind our shoulder, waiting for the next problem to come up. We do so hoping that the things that scared us never catch up to us. And they never do. They spring up on the ones who didn’t learn from it, and need another lesson.
7. We think drinking will help us forget but it only produces great writing material and nostalgic regrets
8. We try our best to forget our old selves but like a tiny scar from the night you fell apart or a ticket from the train ride that changed everything, the things that made us feel the most, good or bad, will always be with us.
9. They say people don’t change, but if we grow up and grow apart, is anyone to blame? Learn from the people in your life that give you a good reason to remember them, and if you are to go your separate ways, don’t beat yourself up for it. Things change, and we can’t stop those changes. But we can control who and what changes us.
10. Just tell yourself that it doesn’t matter because once it matters, you’re in too deep. Just let it go. Keep letting it go until it just doesn’t matter. That way, if you lose it, it won’t hurt so much. Let it go until it’s yours to keep. Don’t forget to breathe.