Efforts by Bianca Scarlato

It’s 2:13pm, in R-Squared, a Cafe on Queen and Tecumseth. I’ve got one exam left to go, and Bianca and I are editing this post, while the barista plays Arctic Monkeys discography. Of course he would.

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On the last week of the hiatus, we’ve got Bianca Scarlato’s efforts. I’m once again lucky enough to have her work. Bianca will get into these writing fits and send me these at 3am, that’s usually when our best work comes out. After I finish sending her “WOOWWW” in caps, I asked her if I could collect a bunch of her After Hours pieces and publish them.

Ladies & Gentlemen I give you Bianca Scarlato. See you next week for #Clean.

***
Giving a girl what she needs isn’t always what she wants. If I were a boy I’d tell her how I feel. She’ll tuck me away and carefully place me in the friend zone for convenience. I’ll lose my return ticket back to when I thought I had a chance.
Us girls, we want what we can’t have.
See, the second we find the boy we thought we were looking for, he isn’t looking for us.
And we’ll wait for him.
And that boy who’s waiting in the friend zone is who we go to for help. And he tells us were stupid and wasting our time. But we don’t listen because we think we know what we’re doing.
And when us girls lay awake at night anxious because maybe he’s fallen asleep or our last fifteen texts didn’t send. We’ll call you. And you won’t answer. Because you’re with someone else.
And we’ll miss you.
But when you listen to our voice mail telling you that you were right all along. You’ll drop that second girl because she wasn’t worth half of the first. And when you get to my house with my favourite flavour of Ice cream and sit on the foot of my bed,
“Will you do me a favour?” I’ll ask. And you’ll reply with “anything” and mean it. “Will you lay down next to me?” And you do.
And for a second you’ll lay there in silence, not touching. But feeling.
This is it. You got out. Your hearts pounding and your palms have never been more wet. It’s funny how things work out for the best. You’ll run over the scenario three times in your head before leaning over and –
My phone will vibrate and the screen will light up. “Hey” it’ll read.
And I’ll reply to his text and hope you’ll go home.

***
Love yourself.
You have to love yourself before you love the boy who broke your heart, before your favourite pair of shoes that kill your feet, before your favourite food that hurts your stomach.
Love yourself because when you’re alone, you’ll never feel alone. When you’re sad, you’ll get over it.
Don’t worry about what happened yesterday, a week ago, a month ago. There’s a reason that you’re alone. The boy you were with yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, he’s not alone. He’s with a girl who’s going to be alone one day too because she didn’t love herself enough to be with someone better.

***
Last week changed my life.
I had my heart broken, pieced back together, I laughed, I cried, I became my own best friend, and my own worst nightmare.
24 hours can change a lot. A minute can change a lot.
Forgiveness isn’t weakness. Forgiving is one of the strongest things you can do. Forgiveness is seeing yourself in another person and learning through their eyes.
You have to learn.
Ask your friends for advice. Tell them what you want to do, let them tell you what you should do. Don’t take their advice. Don’t take anyone’s advice. Make your own choices so that you’re to blame when you make a mistake.
Screw up and screw up again. Don’t pretend to be perfect because no one’s ever learned that way.
Show him your cuts and bruises. He’ll rub alcohol on the wounds and it will burn, but it’ll get better. The crying girl sitting in her bedroom asking herself why this had to happen, she’ll get better. The girl who couldn’t think straight enough to write an introduction paragraph, she’ll get better.
But you have to know, that the secret to getting through the week isn’t letting him hold your hand and walk you through, it’s you taking his hand and placing it in yours. It’s you picking yourself up,dusting off your knees, wiping away your tears because you finally learned to trust yourself.

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