Inspiration can be found anywhere, whether it be in the form of another human being, sunsets, sunrises. Realizations on the bathroom floor of a party at 3am. Or stopping in the middle of the street, in a city you barely know and just met, only to really feel the notion of hopefulness.
New York came at the right time. There were a lot of firsts on this trip. My first time flying alone (anybody that knows me, knows that I am a terrible flyer.) My first time being on my own, which was evident when my immune system shut down for 24 hours and I became my own caregiver. My first time taking the Subway, in a really long time.
Let’s go back to that last one. Last year around this time I could barely be comfortable downtown, I tried my very best to conquer it and control this anxious persona of mine. Fast forward to a year later, I’m sitting patiently on a Subway route I mesmerized before getting on, and I’m reading as if it was a park bench. Exploring through different neighbourhoods, spending 5 hours alone in New York is an evident amount of growth in itself. So when I sat down, on the High Line, surrounded by crowds of people, I was at my calmest. I had chocolate chip cookie crumbs all over my journal, and I was grateful to be alive, in such a wonderful place.
I learned a lot about myself when I walked through the MoMa alone. Those were two hours spent quietly, except for the occasional “excuse me” and “thank you” in which I discovered Yoko Ono’s love for John Lennon, and her passion for art. My culture studies lectures came to life, Post Modernism, stuff I started recognizing from lectures. After beating myself up for so long about school, I realized how much I had taken from these last two years, and the internal discussions about Dadaist art I was able to have internally.
I left my heart in New York City. I left my mentality from a year ago, and moulded a new one out of Central Park maps, and Postcards. The more “well-traveled” I was this Summer, the more comfortable I became with myself. I think we get so busy throughout the Fall/Winter that we neglect our core. We make homes in other people, and forget the place we originally nested in. We fall in love with others, and fall out of love with ourselves.
So if you’ve made it this far, I’m thankful. Extremely thankful, I know numbers mean nothing but right now there’s 13,000 reasons why I write everyday and for that I am thankful. I wish I could give you all the perfect love story, or write posts like “how to get over heartbreak, and get A+’s” but I cannot, and that’s why this works.
If I’m going to teach you one thing, it’s that I always look forward to Septembers. That people are always going to criticize the decisions you make until they fully immerse themselves into your situation. That perspective is everything. That you’re not just going to love one person forever, and most importantly, you’re going to love yourself even more.
Please take care of yourselves,