The Sonder Click (THə Sän-dər klik): The realization that everyone has periled just as complex, and most often worse than yourself, giving you no right to feel sad. A tool often used to shut up a drunken friend on a better night out using:
I had my hands on the keyboard, staring into a black terminal, layered in white commands. On my left atop the desk sat a software-defined-radio peripheral receiving incoming wireless data from another peripheral set upon another computer to my right. Directly behind me sat a co-worker, whom also a friend, who just got out of a two-month relationship. He sat at his computer working away on his own part of the research, all while telling me about what had just happened to him days before.
Now I can’t tell whether it was the radio waves passing though my brain or the array of the mono-spaced raster typeface code making me feel sick, but I decided turn away from the desktop, just in time for him to ask about my own heartbreak ¹. The question was how long my relationship was.
Myself: “2 years.”
Him: “I don’t know how I can feel sad then…”
I’m pretty sure this is where the radio wave transmission stopped and was ready to be plotted in QAM² form, but despite my actual excitement to look at graphs, I couldn’t help but feeling bad. Not for me though, but for my coworker.
It seems that the second wave of comments made on someone’s breakup most often include:
“If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be…”
“Hey I know this person who got out of an X(t) long relationship, so don’t feel bad.”³
See this is where I become upset (ironically my own theorem can be used against me being mad, but that’s another paper on its own).
¹ Normally I’d rather not speak of how long ago it happened, since I guess it doesn’t matter, but because I guess we’ll face quite a few numbers in this text (with “time” being a substantial variable) I might as let you know its been approximately 6 months.
² QAM: Quadrature Amplitude Modulation, do not try to understand this without any prior telecommunication knowledge.
³Note that X(t) > Y(t), where Y(t) = your relationship with respect to time. Basically, a passive aggressive way of telling you to stop feeling bad…
People expect you to just feel better and have a sonder-like realization just because somebody has had it worse. After my heartbreak, I stopped eating. I would wake up with a coffee, go to school to be refreshed by an Americano, go home to a bit of dinner followed by some studying and sleep. This day was recycled all throughout the exam season, resulting in a loss of 10lbs. Others found that telling me it could be worse might help, but I couldn’t see that helping. Apart from finding a very disturbing but successful diet plan; I found the “Sonder Click” equation.
Please all refer to equation linked with Theorem 1:
The Sonder Click “ S c” value, is defined by the area underneath a logarithmic styled function multiplied by the growing by a variable defined by your heartbreak “YH(t)”, belittled by a summation of how fucking bad everyone else has ever felt “WH(t)”, or, the “Worldly Heartbreak”.
Sad enough, this is what got me through the Summer. I actually used this as a reason to not feel depressed. But yesterday what seems like heartbreak of a friend defined by a miniscule Sonder Click value actually made me feel just as sad as my own broken relationship.
My nature (and many of ours) seems to always call for a concrete solution to everything. We always want to know why something ends¹, and how it ends, and try to come up with a formula to make a “post-breakup” relationship work out. As petty as it is, I tried to use the independent variable of time found on many of our graphs, and a bit of calculus to get over a relationship. I now believe that the only thing I have ever learned after all this is that time is not in our hands, its not out tool to fix what is broken, not our weapon to kill our responsibilities, not a medicine that heals all wounds, and it definitely does not define a “Sonder Click”. Despite all this time:
I never want to see her again, but if she needed a late night ride home or someone to have a coffee with I would comply without hesitation.
I never want to talk to her again, but once the 3-month delayed text came, and despite trying not to show it, I answered in pure joy.
I never want to know what is going on in her life again, but seeing a smile through Facebook still makes me smile as well.
I never want to want love her again, but if for some reason the universe calls for it, only then, I would never have the right to feel sorrow again.²
¹ Scoffs*: “Closure”, we call it.
²My friend seems to be doing well. He unknowingly disproved my “Sonder Click”. I don’t know how to end this with a return statement back to the beginning of the paper, so I’m stuck in a footnote hoping you all can realize Theorem 1’s conclusion in my last italicized sentence. I’m a lot better at math than blogging. Close the page now.
Copyright © 2015 Daniella Beca MyCompositionNotebook