“Wait, wait before I go to bed I’m going to read you my blog post”
Last year on December 31st I fell asleep in a Nail Salon, after having lunch with my friends whom glorified my newfound eye bags as a first resolution already being met. I was emotive, and selfless, not because it was trendy or something to be glorified because it was seen somewhere on a Tumblr post, but because it was necessary. To sleep with my phone on loud, and some nights to not even sleep at all.
But this year didn’t end with me looking out the window of my loft style office, dressed in my collared Zara dress, power stance-ing. It’s not supposed to make sense at 20. I envy the under 20 whom have their lives together, apartments in New York and loft style office buildings. They’ve won the lottery, I’m still buying scratch tickets. But it didn’t go to waste. I somehow managed to make it to the Top 5 of a list, and they didn’t even make me run nor do anything athletic for that matter. I made it to a magazine cover, and I finally finished my first novel.
“I have to behave well, or else I’m going to end up in your blog,” a man belted from behind his beer glass, I don’t know if it was the Beyonce/Jay Z collab happening in the background or the fact that I too was behind a beer glass, but I was almost enthralled by the fact that I had that power. PS, you ended up here.
But it’s within small moments of happiness that I found my way this year, it’s the people that I’ve surrounded myself with that have ensured me how wonderful 2016 is going to be. It was healing open wounds using only salt water with your best friend and finding a home within a small town.
Finding a voice in moments where I could barely even speak because my lungs were so dry. Allowing friends to walk out of your life in order to truly take care of those you have around you, and make sure that you deserve better. Finally allowing yourself to openly say, that it is okay that you were not loved the way you hoped would happen, but it is not okay that an individual took that love and kept it near when the afternoon’s were quiet, and there was a needle waiting to touch the vinyl. Then again, it takes two to tango. Cha Cha Cha
It’s opening up your heart again, that’s where the mystery lies in a new year. Someone the other day told me that there’s a difference in liking someone, and being attracted to someone, and that he hasn’t liked someone in a very long time because he’s just been solely invested in momentary attraction. But you know deep down, that the layer of realism doing the talking for them, is covering the mouth of the hopeless romantic wanting to shout, “why can’t people just be honest while they’re alive.” It’s what happens when you sit through an entire Lily Collins marathon, and Moonrise Kingdom in one sitting on a religious basis. It’s okay, we know something they don’t.
So here we are, no longer biting our nails, growing out our hair and watching it get caught in zippers. Swapping stories with your friends in McDonalds parking lots, and sitting on their apartment floors at 2am eating pasta, listening to them profess the importance of investing in someone with a pure heart. Here’s to the fact that we’re almost 80 posts deep, and this blog isn’t just for me anymore, it’s for those wanting to write, and those holding my hand when I’m uncomfortable in crowded places. It’s to the people that found safety in my words, and came to me with such honesty when they did. It’s for the friends whom have quoted me, listened to me go on and on about the same thing, and let me repeat myself. It’s for the family members whom leave such lovely comments, and allow me to make this a lifestyle choice, and for the protagonist inspiring these words over the last two years, for your patience, and curiosity. Thank you.