“Staples is playing my emotional 2005 playlist…wait are you crying?”
“How To Save A Life is playing!”
I think one of the most important lessons we learn as human beings, is through other individuals. They teach us more about ourselves than you can imagine, and sometimes they have such a great impact on us that we start adopting their behaviours. We asks questions, regardless of whether or not we’ve made up our own answers and hope the two match. So I want to discuss a reoccuring theme from this last week, about friendship. Sorry lovebirds, but this may still apply to you.
We’ll always pick up the phone when they call us to vent about everything love, and life has to offer them. Without even asking you if you’ve been adjusting back to being home, and what home even means to you. But you’ll smile politely and let them escape into their world they’ve created for themselves, but keep yourself at a respectful distance because it’s time to start existing in a world you’ve created for yourself, not something you’ve left doors and windows open for people to ensure they exist, and still have a place.
I went home for 3 1/2 weeks, but longed for the home I’ve created on the floors of my friend’s apartments. Laughter echoing from every corner, people taking turns sharing music, and pizzas burning in the oven. I’m still very bitter about that pizza. Regardless, you want nothing else, but to exist here.
I always wondered how people can fly 90 times in one year, how everyone’s always so calm in airport hallways, while I sit there tapping my boot against the leg of the chair desperate to blink and be home. But at the end of the day I’m content with the home I’ve created for myself, the home and environment to which I situated myself in. But I no longer have the energy for those who don’t wish that for the people around them. It takes awhile to get there, but once you do you’re suddenly grateful for the honesty you have amongst yourself.
I’m talking to both you (readers), and myself right now. There’s so much good around us, inside of us, very often it becomes fog-like and we’re just trying to get to our destination. We’re always trying to achieve something, and get to somewhere, without really understanding why we’re in an enviroment. Why we’re meant to be somewhere, why we keep seeing the same signs, more than the actual being?
I think that’s what gets us in trouble, we not only devise up scenarios, conversations, but I also came to terms with the fact that we also envision characteristics of individuals that aren’t really present.
Which is ironic because we despise it when these people try to tell us who we are.
(pause, it’s snowing) (looks down at Suede boots, sorry boys)
We all envision different versions of escaping, and home. But as I learned in Love, Rosie…it’s not a place it’s a feeling. And what a wonderful notion that is. But what a travesty it is to abuse that feeling, and if there’s this ache, even if it feels like the tiniest little pulse, set it free. If it’s not genuine, if they’re not genuine, set them free.