Lost by Gianfranc Pipitone

My one promise for 2016 is to not look back. No matter how scary things are. Keep. Looking. Forward

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Photography: Gianfranc Pipitone

 

Do you ever feel lost in your own life?

Like most people who struggle, I’ve been through a lot, and sometimes going through stuff is the best path to success (or at least I’m told).
I always like to say that there are two approaches to life, you can be active and control things and live your life how you want to, or you can play the oblivious card and just let things happen. You can live life or let life live you.
Luck vs work I guess is how you can look at the two?
While I love the idea of being oblivious to the bigger picture and still strike gold — a happy accident. I hate waiting for things. So I work extremely hard to make things happen.
And it feels good. Sometimes.
Sometimes, the desire to succeed causes my own collapse. I reach my breaking point because I’ve overworked myself. And because I’ve invested so much time and effort into myself that when I get a chance to step back, I feel overwhelmed at how little I’ve actually accomplished, I always wish I was further along. I always wish I was more successful, more creative, more free spirited, more developed, refined, actualized…
When I crash, I crash hard. Then I start to doubt about whether all my effort is actually worth it and whether I’m going to end up achieving something. Anything.
Maybe some people are just not built for success? Not everyone can be successful. For every person that has achieved what they desire, there are a ton of people who just can’t seem to make it.
Maybe that oblivious luck is what really brings about success and the hard work in the active person is just a coincidence and oblivious luck is the real key?
When my mind wanders down that path, I feel the need to turn around from my challenges and give up. I realize I’m letting myself fall off the rails and that is when true failure is imminent. Realistically, if you get lucky or not, that gold-mine is struck because you are in the right spot at the right time, and that is no act of luck. It’s an act of actively pursing something — whether the pursuit is 100% or 10%.
Yeah, if you haven’t realized by now, I’m giving myself a pep-talk. Normally, I’m the one giving advice to help people dig themselves out of their graves but I need someone like myself in my life, so here I am, digging myself out.
I guess even the act of attempting to dig myself out, is the pursuit that I was just talking about… Maybe the game isn’t over yet. Maybe the key to success is just a matter of realizing the game is still on.
I guess the point I’m trying to tell myself is to not give up.
Whatever I do.
Whatever you do.
Don’t give up.
If you walk away from the goal, you will never reach it.
But if you keep facing that goal, no matter how drastic it seems, you will in one way or another, figure something out and you will some day reach it.
Turn around,
pick up that damned sword,
and keep fighting.
About the writer: I am a guy who wears many hats, literally and metaphorically. I own a lot of hats, but I am also a competitive fencer and archer. I coach both sports. I am an aspiring filmmaker, a film student, self taught photographer, wannabe artist, amateur musician, half-assed writer, I run a blog/arts collective and spend my free time stressing out about myself while I inject myself with caffeine just to keep up. With everything going on at once, I find it hard to see things gaining traction. It’s tough. I could be so much less, I could have a solidified future but I‘ve chosen the scariest path throuh life. And while I love the challenge and wouldn’t see things any other way, sometimes I fear I’ve buried myself too deep. This post is truly an attempt to free myself from my own personal vicious cycle of self destructive thoughts. Like many people I want to accomplish things, for myself. And like many people, I have no clue what the heck I’m doing. I wish I didn’t have to sit here at 1am questioning why I’m so miserable and why I can’t just be better.
I guess the first step is asking the tough questions, then trudging through the muck.

Gianfranc Pipitone

Copyright © 2015 Daniella Beca MyCompositionNotebook

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