I’ve started obsessing over another song, but unlike the Emeli Sande song this one is what you listen to when you’re dancing in your Calvins, instead of running for the bus. This is the anthem for January/February. I’m talking about Dua Lipa’s Blow Your Mind (MWAH).
The first two lines in the chorus are:
“If you don’t like the way I talk then why am I on your mind?
If you don’t like the way I rock then finish your glass of wine.”
and just those two lines, have tattooed themselves onto my skin*
*Not literally, I know my parents are reading this, I still have my only Kensington Market adventure “So it Goes.”
Today, I stood in front of the same mirror I had my first University panic-attack in front of. 4 years later, and I was coming down from my Latte, and setting an alarm to remind me to buy bananas on the way home. Something I’ve forgotten to do for almost a week now. For some reason that was the first thing I thought of, instead of “did you leave your scarf in the stall.”
I’ve been mad at myself for the last couple of weeks, because I have two completed projects still sitting on my bookshelf, and I have a copious amount of opportunities to start creating. Why aren’t I doing so? Because I had a writer’s crisis. That sounded dramatic whether I liked it or not.
What do I even have to say? I was here to offer all of my romantic wisdom, and all of the heartbreak that comes with the text messages we aren’t supposed to respond to! But I haven’t had to deal with anything remotely amorous since the Summer. Not because I downloaded Tinder for 5 minutes, and gave up because I was swiping mostly for dogs, but because I was too lazy to be enchanted. Actually, the better word to use is tired. Once I started writing essays, instead of over-caffeinated poetry, I entered the “crisis” where I sat back, and said “What am I going to write about now?”
Answer: WHATEVER I PLEASE.
If you actually go back and read this blog from the start, (The start being almost 3 years ago) (We turn 3 on February 9th!!!) you meet different versions of myself, but the one thing that stayed consistent was my voice.
I got into a funk this weekend, and napped majority of it while watching Grey’s Anatomy, and I was upset with myself for being unproductive. I told myself it was “self care” but it was far from that. So it resulted in a Sunday evening of self loathing, until my sister doused me in Peppermint Oil, told me to sit beside her and catch up on her vlogs. I was in and out of sleep, but the woman in this video said that she would speak things into existence, and by doing so they’d happen.
So. Here’s a couple of things I wrote down today, and as I type them I’m saying them aloud:
Just because your window faces a brick wall, doesn’t mean you have to.
Spending an entire weekend napping on a couch isn’t self care.
Stop apologizing for wanting to be on your phone.
If people are ahead of you in life, refrain from envy. Start walking.
Adulthood means taking care of you FOR YOU. So stop beating yourself up for forgetting to buy bananas for the 4th day in a row.
Carry granola bars in your bag.
Just because you’ve hit a blank space writing about modern romance, doesn’t mean you have to stop being a writer.
So I’m going to go tackle the laundry I’ve neglected.
You think waiting for a text back is agonizing, try waiting for the dryer to stop.
With love, and freshly ripe bananas